Living with someone trying to quit smoking is definitely not for the faint of heart. Experts have suggested that nicotine can be as habit forming as heroin. Gary D. a former smoker can understand the difficulty his wife is having, “I quit smoking over 30 years ago yet every so often a cigarette smells so wonderful it calls to me.”
“I want my wife to quit smoking because I need her to be around for a long time.” His wife Jean has tried to acquiesce to his wishes numerous times. She has not yet achieved long-term success. “I want to quit. The longest period I was smoke free was four months. I thought I had it licked but stress and bad news weakened my resolve.”

Jean and Gary are educated people. They are well aware that if Jean quits she will not only feel better she will lower the risks of cancer, stroke, emphysema, heart attacks as well as numerous other smoke related diseases.

It seems that people are constantly trying to “build a better mousetrap” in creating the perfect and easy formula to quit smoking. Hypnosis, nicotine patches, Zyban etc. are just a few. These methods have offered a moderate degree of success, yet so far no one has come up with a sure fire potion that works for everyone.

Jean states, “I read a great deal about the effects of second hand smoke. I don’t think I could stand the idea of being the one to cause my husband to become ill.”
Jean is right recent studies show that second-hand smoke can result in lung cancer, heart disease and a shortened life span for the non-smoker.

Angela a mother of three is also a smoker who has tried unsuccessfully to quit smoking. “ I worked in a drug store and was aware of the dangers of smoking during pregnancy before this information was common knowledge, unfortunately I started smoking again after each pregnancy. Two of my three children are now adult smokers and I blame myself for this. I desperately want to be a non-smoker to help myself and my children.”

The incentive of reducing the danger of other members of the family becoming ill may be the strongest reason for quitting for the smoker. Though their initial resolve may seem promising, symptoms of depression, nausea, weight gain, insomnia as well as anxiety to name a few may cause the smoker to give in to temptation. This is the time for the life partner to offer emotional support. Gary D. says “I tell my wife she is beautiful when she thinks she is putting on weight. When Jean lashes out at me in anger I realize it’s the addiction talking and not the woman. I try to remove all the reminders that trigger desire such as ashtrays and cigarettes and I hire a woman to clean the house to eliminate any odors. If Jean is still unsuccessful I don’t berate her instead I promise that she’ll be successful next time.”
Gary is right it often takes several tries to quit smoking.

There are ways to help your spouse when they are trying to quit.

• Offer emotional support.
• Instead of making them a cup of coffee offer a glass of water instead.
• Suggest an after dinner walk.
• Make sure there are lollipops, hard candy as well as gum available in the house.
• Offer to play games such as checkers or encourage them to begin a hobby such as needlepoint to keep their hands moving.
• Encourage your spouse to quit with a buddy. S
• uggest deep breaths when the urge to smoke arises.
• Try to see that that the smoker gets plenty of rest.

Assisting a loved one to quit smoking is not an easy task. Expect anger, frustration and even a failure or two. Quitting smoking will never be easy but a supportive partner is essential. The only way to win the war against smoking is to fight it as a team.

By Joan Schauder